if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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