I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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