I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The ass gains better be worth it
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