how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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