'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
