Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
