Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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