Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
