i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
