Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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