i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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