I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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