Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
