I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
