Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
