i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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