hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
