I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I love you. Go after that dick
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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