I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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