last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
