I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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