Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
