C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize