eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
