so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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