My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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