my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
