nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
should my penis look like a turkey
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
