i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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