well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
