nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
