Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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