Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize