Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
