I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They are going to name an STD after you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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