Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
