remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
