Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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