Duck Duck Cougar?
i think my mom watched the whole time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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