You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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