Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
