i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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