You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
