there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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