Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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