So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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