He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
