dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My life is pants optional.
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