dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need moral support for this bender
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
