so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
