why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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