Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
