Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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