At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
