Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
