look no pants
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
