Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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