I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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