I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
