11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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