He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize