new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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