so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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