nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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