you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
