'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
