Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
