We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
