Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
