I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
