the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
