either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
