____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
