i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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