Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
