the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
