I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
