Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Alive.
So much puke
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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