Pappa wants mamma naked
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
