i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
