So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
